I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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