Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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