Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He shit in the fireplace
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
