Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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