im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
