I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
