I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
