Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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