So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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