He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
