how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
