Soap is not a condiment
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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