I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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