I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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