id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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