do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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