EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
