So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
