i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We have so much sex to catch up on
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
