The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is this like a preordered booty call?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
