woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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