Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
