Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
