Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
