I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
