You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i would punch a child for taco bell
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
third nipple confirmed
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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