bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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