I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
