Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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