well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
