I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
