rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
