I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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