You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
