Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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