she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
