I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
