Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
