Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
