He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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