There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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