my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
