Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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