Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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