My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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