She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
