i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
