I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
