the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
