11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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