That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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