Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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