ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
