So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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