i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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