i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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