Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
