Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
